Good and gracious God:

Sometimes it is easy for us to forget that Jesus was a human…that Jesus cried, that he was a child. A gooey, sweaty toddler, a dusty, laughing 7 year old running through the streets, a teen that might have challenged his parents’ wisdom and authority a few times. We know he was drawn to the temple, we know that he did ask questions, probing the rabbis’ understanding of scriptures and of the character of God who mysteriously filled his human frame.

We can rest in that knowledge in this moment; we can take a breath and rest in the knowledge that Jesus, God-Immanuel, God With Us, lived our lives, that he understands all our questions, especially the WHY WHY WHY ones that so often go unanswered or are not answered to our human satisfaction. Help us, God, to lean into your boundless love and compassion…to trust that You are so much bigger and more creative and more at work than we can imagine, that we are still held and never ever left alone even when all seems lost, feels lost.

We pray for our world that seems to shaking, burning and drowning all at once. We pray for the unity of humanity, that our love for our neighbors would grow apace and beyond these tragedies. Help us to dig deep and give sacrificially, in whatever form that takes.

Amen

This is a very hard post to write because I’m going to touch on a significant regret. But I think it’s worth sharing. Because if you haven’t yet said good-bye in this way to someone you love, one day you will – hopefully at the end of their long life, well-lived.

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Loving God –

You are the eternal spring of living water, the source of life, of peace and of purpose.

You are an ocean of mercy and grace.

You are the storm and you are the calm.

It is no accident that our tears – when we are deeply moved, whether in joy or pain – are salted like the sea, pouring out as water.  Everything has its being in you – we live, move, breathe and swim in you.

We ask, Lord, simply for a deeper sense of your presence, of your indwelling spirit – for a heart more like yours, for ears to listen, for eyes to see the world with your deep, aching compassion.  Help us remember each morning to strap on our spiritual swimming goggles for the day so that each person, each challenge, each opportunity can be seen through your lenses.

We pray for peace, Lord.  We pray for our world’s wounds to be healed.

We pray for those who lead and those who wish to lead.

We pray for the oppressed, the marginalized, the lost, those who feel forsaken. May they come to know you through your servants’ active love and care.

Amen

I’ve started wondering about that deer in the woods. What was that about? (Was that something profound or something I need not try to weight down with import?) And perfect strangers have reported, to a friend, that they’ve “seen” Mark in the spiritual sense. One even mentioned red, black and white and wondered why the significance of those colors…? Well… those are his high school’s colors. And one of his favorite things is his red, white & black pom-pom winter hat.

Whoa.

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I’ve been reading as much as I can (my focus is kind of shot; I can only concentrate for brief periods of time, and only on these kind of books) – books about child loss and grief and  glimpses of heaven, Anna’s book (“Rare Bird”) about her journey through the valley of losing her son, Jack.

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I came around the corner, from family room into living room, and there he was, sitting on the left end of the couch in front of the big picture window. He was smaller – perhaps 10?  I was surprised and yet not overwhelmed by the fact that he was here. Continue reading →

I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.                 Psalm 27:13-14

Another good verse, featured in two different readings today.  Another example of what I call “synergy” – when I hear the same thing from multiple sources, when it seems like God is saying “I know what you are going through. I’m paying attention.” I always try to write these down, so that I can remember later, when the spiritual amnesia hits.

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Last night, in my utter weariness over yesterday’s car-removal task (which did NOT go well – Sally was beyond sad, beyond devastated), and in my ongoing sadness over my boy, I went to bed early. Honestly, I could go to bed at 6:30 every night. But I make myself last through dinner and try to play with the cat – the poor cat – a little. God, thank you for my sweet husband, who does the dishes every night and gets the coffee-maker filled and ready for my early rising each morning.

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You know what, God? Losing our son was enough.  Oh GOD, it’s ENOUGH. It’s all we can do to just get through a day. It’s all we can do to get to the point of getting to crawl back in bed and hope for dreams about him, or at least some sleep that helps us forget, just for those few hours, about the waking nightmare.

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Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.                                                                                                                  Psalm 34:5

What a perfect verse for today, as I think on that day at the gym. My husband is now referring to my experience as my “warming.” Can you tell he’s become a Methodist?  I prefer to think of it as a love-bolt. KA-POW. Warming is not a strong enough term.

The day after it happened, I went for a walk with Beth O. After sharing stories about our weekends (mine won easily for “most awful”), she asked if she could tell me about an experience she had the day before. I had not yet told her about my personal “Pentecost.”

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