I really want to encourage you to take the time to review your personal history, especially if you’ve ever felt like God hasn’t heard you.
As I mentioned before, I’ve decided to go through all my old calendars, journal entries, photos and credit card records in order to create a “family history”…a record of our years together. This takes a lot of time — I’ve only gotten to 2012 and I still haven’t looked at photos and card charges for any year.
As noted before: I read a lot of books, several of which I’ve already mentioned. And I have wonderful resources in friends who are way down the road ahead of me, theologically speaking; they are excellent guides and mentors as I seek to understand God.
While I was in Sanibel, Mark was in my dreams twice.
The first dream was short and weird. Mark and I were standing in the front yard of someone’s house. We were visiting; possibly preparing to leave. I looked up at the sky – it was twilight, the sun was preparing to set – and a single white cloud hung, suspended, but the cloud was a specific shape, sort of like a skinny oak leaf. I thought “that’s really, really odd” and then my attention was distracted for a bit, perhaps by Continue reading
I had actually tried to arrange my Sanibel retreat so that I could return after Mother’s Day. I knew Sarah wouldn’t be around that day anyhow – what was the point? I was pretty desperate NOT to be home, in fact.
There were two other things that happened in Sanibel which were pretty amazing – things that were, as I had asked for, very specific to Mark and to our history, our relationship. They were both symbols/reminders of a family vacation we took to Prince Edward Island, and things that happened there. I’m not sure I can recreate it well enough to tell the story, so just trust me: they were cool. Meant only for me.
I am standing on my balcony as I type this – my laptop perched on a tall café table – looking out at the gulf. The water is once again a lovely greenish turquoise. The temps today are moderate – not hot. I’ve been hearing that the DC area, home, has experienced endless rain the entire time I’ve been here. Ew. I told a friend I’ve become a “special little seashell” now…I need SUN.
(1) I know myself better than I think. You probably know yourself really well, too…better than you think, too. This trip to Sanibel? A really really good idea. This person, this soul needs space, exercise, animals (besides alligators), nature, fresh air and sun. And books. And a journal. What do you need to heal? To feel whole?
BLUE SKIES REMIND ME 