I had actually tried to arrange my Sanibel retreat so that I could return after Mother’s Day. I knew Sarah wouldn’t be around that day anyhow – what was the point? I was pretty desperate NOT to be home, in fact.
Sanibel Postscript 2016
There were two other things that happened in Sanibel which were pretty amazing – things that were, as I had asked for, very specific to Mark and to our history, our relationship. They were both symbols/reminders of a family vacation we took to Prince Edward Island, and things that happened there. I’m not sure I can recreate it well enough to tell the story, so just trust me: they were cool. Meant only for me.
As I Head Back to “Reality”
I am standing on my balcony as I type this – my laptop perched on a tall café table – looking out at the gulf. The water is once again a lovely greenish turquoise. The temps today are moderate – not hot. I’ve been hearing that the DC area, home, has experienced endless rain the entire time I’ve been here. Ew. I told a friend I’ve become a “special little seashell” now…I need SUN.
Lessons Learned: Part 2 (Or Sanibel’s Lessons)
(1) I know myself better than I think. You probably know yourself really well, too…better than you think, too. This trip to Sanibel? A really really good idea. This person, this soul needs space, exercise, animals (besides alligators), nature, fresh air and sun. And books. And a journal. What do you need to heal? To feel whole?
Out of Sight, But Not Out of Mind
Perhaps I came to Sanibel with too many goals.
I brought all the calendars I’ve kept since 1995. To make a family history…to fill in the gaps in my memory, or reinforce it. I am hoping that when I next look at photos…first in albums, then in digital files, as we acquired technology…and our credit card records, I’ll have a decent capture of the lives we’ve lived. And it will be written down, so none of us will forget those 19 years, 3 months and 12 days. I’m up to January 2004 and I’ve spent several hours getting there, bathed in tender recall that is both painful and sweet.
All Who Wander
I thought I’d sleep more here, in this tiny haven. I have no responsibilities other than myself. But no.
So I drank coffee on the balcony as the sun rose, and watched tiny bugs struggle through two layers of protective screening surrounding me (note to self: buy large quantities of DEET). I read my devotionals — today’s themes were about trusting God, knowing God will give relief to the troubled (2 Thessalonians 1:7) and being still…and resting (Psalm 46:10).
Little – or Big? – Miracles
On Saturday, the day I was supposed to leave for Sanibel, there was also the Bike Rodeo – the event designed by my neighborhood’s recently revived Civic Association, in memory of Mark. It was to be held from 9am-11am.
Holy Burdens
Three days ago (a Wednesday) in the early morning, as the trip to Sanibel approached, Steve – who takes blood thinners – commented how he was really stuffy, that the pollen must be really getting to him, somehow (he’s not allergic). And he blew his nose. Really hard.
Blood came out like a fountain.
Mixed Messages
Good news and bad news seems to reign these days.
On the GOOD side: we are surviving tax season. It’s almost over.
I’m also getting some pretty funny…coincidences? Signs? (What would you call them???) lately…
Six Months
Oh how I LOVE this expression. This, my friends, is Mark. In all his glory.
How has it been a half year since I’ve touched him? Hugged him? Smelled him? Laughed…
BLUE SKIES REMIND ME 