Beth P’s mom, Bev, had gone into the hospital soon after Mark’s death. After a couple of weeks, it became clear that Bev probably would not rebound, as she’d done so many times before.
I didn’t know, until last week, about any of this, but once I was told, I had to see her – she loved all the children at our church and preschool, including our Mark – and hold her hand.
We decided, my husband and I, to go to church today…our first time since the accident. Beth P., my bulldog who knows some surprises are NOT good, cautioned me: “You know they are going to read the names of the people who’ve died this year, right?” We were fairly warned.
This verse from Job caught my eye months ago, and was included in some of the cards we received:
God may kill me, but still I will trust him and offer my defense. Job 13:15 CEV
I really love Job and his determination. I was thinking about him when I was reading a different story, this one from the New Testament, about the Canaanite woman who asks Jesus to heal her daughter (Matthew 15: 21-28). [Jews looked down on Canaanites in that time…they were not considered God’s chosen people.]
Jesus then left that part of the country and walked…to Tyre and Sidon. A woman from Canaan who was living there came to him, pleading, “Have mercy on me, O Lord, King David’s Son! For my daughter has a demon within her, and it torments her constantly.” But Jesus gave her no reply—not even a word. Then his disciples urged him to send her away. “Tell her to get going,” they said, “for she is bothering us with all her begging.” Continue reading
Today’s bible verses, from various devotional sources:
Very truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Those who love their life lose it and those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me…whoever serves me, the Father will honor. John 12:24-26
The Lord says, “I am about to do a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?” Isaiah 43:19
We took our Sarah back to her university today. After two weeks at home, she said she felt listless and unproductive. She’s in her fourth year and eager to continue with her undergraduate studies.
There is that story you’ve probably heard — the one about the man in his house, and a flood came. The man called out to God “Save me!”
Sirens in the distance drawing nearer: “Sir! This is the fire department! We’re throwing you a line! Grab it!”
But the man says “No! I’m waiting for God to save me!”
The air continues to be heavy with the prayers of others but my heart is unable to respond any longer. We are borne, as though bodily, by those prayers…lifted…but in the center of that life raft, I am still curled in a blind ball of pain and confusion. Steve and Sarah are not ones to talk about their feelings as much, not out loud, but I know they are as dazed and in shock as I.
After the service, after the family left, after the house started to empty….we were still getting fed food by others, and we fed our starving souls by reading all the sympathy cards, reading all the sweet messages written on little paper hearts during the reception. We felt the love, the concern, the support – and it sustained us, to a large extent. But it couldn’t change what had happened.
I’m going to plop this in here, in the timeline, although I am writing it seven months later. It’s important.
Beyond a wonderful, caring, loving (and sometimes hysterically funny) family and extended family, I am fortunate to have some incredible friends in my life – more like sisters. This has surprised me, this gift. I think of myself as an introvert, and one who is not particularly skilled in the art of friendship; I am more reactor than initiator. I’ve been shy to be fully known, sure that my Inner Weirdo would eventually get found out and then – see ya later. But then you throw in a tragedy like this, and you find out how strong those ties actually are (or aren’t – but I experienced very little abandonment).
I’ve always loved weddings and, ironically, I’ve often loved funerals for the same reasons: family, friends, joy, tears, good stories, good food. We are drawn together – we people, we souls – in those events, and reminded of what matters most.
BLUE SKIES REMIND ME 